Empathy is a superpower, until it starts to hurt.
In our latest episode of If You Have Feelings with Tarmim Khan, better known as The Empathy Queen, we dive deep into what it means to hold space for others in a world that often can’t (or won’t) do the same.
If you’ve ever been the person who “feels too much,” who picks up on everyone else’s emotions like static electricity, or who’s told you’re “too sensitive,” this one’s for you.
Because empathy isn’t weakness. It's survival, intuition, and a gift. But without boundaries? It can wreck you.
Before We Dive In
Before listening to our conversation with Tarmim, start with I’m Feeling: Empathetic. It’s a quick, unfiltered deep dive into what empathy actually feels like and why it can sometimes leave you exhausted, misunderstood, or resentful (especially when you’re the one always doing the emotional heavy lifting).
In this episode, we explore:
- What empathy really is (and what it isn’t)
- How to recognize when empathy turns into self-abandonment
- The difference between compassion and people-pleasing
- Why feeling deeply doesn’t make you dramatic
🎧 Listen to the minisode on →
Then come back for our full episode with The Empathy Queen herself, where we explore what it actually means to hold space for others without losing yourself in the process.
When Empathy Feels Heavy
Tarmim’s story starts early... with sensitivity, loss, and a deep curiosity about why people act the way they do. Growing up in an environment where emotions weren’t safe, she learned to read the room before she could even read the words on the page. It’s what many empaths do: learn to survive through emotional hyper-awareness.
But that kind of empathy comes at a cost.
When you’re constantly absorbing others’ feelings, you start to forget what’s yours. You learn to soothe everyone else before yourself. You build your identity around being the helper, the listener, the safe space. Until one day you realize you’ve built a life where no one’s doing that for you.
“Givers need to know their limits,” Tarmim says. “Because takers don’t have any.”
Why Empathy Is a Two-Way Street
It’s easy to romanticize empathy as this endlessly positive thing. But the truth is, empathy without reciprocity becomes emotional exhaustion. You cannot keep pouring from an empty cup and expect to stay whole.
Tarmim learned the hard way that being everyone’s emotional landing pad doesn’t make you kind. It makes you unavailable to yourself.
Empathy is only powerful when it’s paired with boundaries.
That means:
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Recognizing when you’re trying to earn love by over-giving.
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Saying “no” even when it makes people uncomfortable.
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Learning that peace is not the same thing as silence.
Sometimes, being empathetic also means walking away.
The Hard Truth: Not Everyone Can Meet You There
When you’re a person who feels deeply, it’s jarring to realize that some people simply don’t. Tarmim puts it perfectly:
“The people who struggle to have empathy are usually the ones who’ve never had it modeled for them.”
And that’s where compassion comes in. Empathy doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you. It means understanding why they do what they do without letting it destroy your peace. You can acknowledge that someone’s emotionally unavailable without making it your job to fix them.
Because you can’t teach empathy to someone who refuses to learn it.
Holding Space Without Losing Yourself
Tarmim reminds us that empathy doesn’t have to be endless self-sacrifice. It’s about holding space, not holding everything.
That looks like:
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Practicing small, kind honesty instead of silent resentment.
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Modeling empathy instead of forcing it.
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Giving grace and knowing when to draw a line.
Boundaries are not barriers; they’re clarity.
“When you keep silent to keep the peace,” she says, quoting Dr. Thema Bryant, “you have to ask yourself: whose peace are you keeping?”
Turning Empathy Into Strength
To be empathetic in a world that numbs itself is brave. It’s radical, even.
So if you’ve been told you’re “too much,” maybe that just means you’re feeling enough.
If you’ve been misunderstood, maybe that means you’re awake.
And if you’re tired of holding space for everyone else, maybe this is your sign to hold it for yourself.
Because being empathetic isn’t about carrying the world. It’s about caring enough to change it, without losing yourself in the process.
About Tarmim Khan
Tarmim Khan, HHP (she/her), widely known as the Empathy Queen, is a global Wellness and Emotional Intelligence Expert, and founder of EQ COACHING LLC®. With a background in psychology and behavioral therapy, she also serves on the board of the American Association of Drugless Practitioners as a global wellness leader.
Blending science, psychology, and emotional health with a mind-body-soul approach, Tarmim has sparked a revolution in how mental health is understood. After years of experiencing therapy without lasting results — and watching countless others face the same struggle — she discovered that true transformation begins with developing emotional intelligence. Today, she not only coaches clients worldwide but also trains therapists and psychiatrists, proving that treatment must go beyond diagnosis.
In a world where emotions are often pathologized, Tarmim is on a mission to restore awareness and normalize the power of emotions. Her work has been featured in national media, and she will soon appear in an award-winning upcoming TV show, sharing her story and vision with a global audience
