The holidays are supposed to be about togetherness. Warm kitchens. Long tables. Familiar faces. And yet, for so many people, they’re also when distance feels the loudest.
In our latest episode of If You Have Feelings with Lily Thrope, therapist and practice owner, we talk about what it really means to feel distant and why this feeling so often shows up during the holidays.
Before We Dive In
Before tuning into this conversation, start with our short minisode on feeling distant. We talk about what distance actually feels like (hint: it’s not the same as loneliness), why it shows up when connection feels hard, and what your nervous system might be asking for when you start to pull away.
🎧 Listen to the I’m Feeling: Distant minisode on →
Distance Isn’t About Being Alone
One of the biggest myths we unpack in this conversation is that loneliness and distance mean you don’t have people in your life.
In reality, some of the most painful experiences of distance happen in rooms full of people.
Distance isn’t about isolation. It’s ALL ABOUT disconnection.
You might love the people around you. You might even feel grateful for them. And still, something doesn’t land. There’s no depth. No ease. No sense that you’re fully seen.
As Lily puts it, loneliness isn’t the absence of others. It’s the absence of felt connection.
Why the Holidays Make It Worse
The holidays carry a lot of pressure.
There’s an expectation that:
- everyone should feel connected
- family time should feel meaningful
- meals should be joyful
- traditions should feel grounding
When that doesn’t happen, distance can feel like something is wrong with you.
But here's the hard truth: holidays just amplify what’s already there.
Unmet needs get louder. Old wounds resurface. And if your nervous system doesn’t feel safe, forced togetherness can actually increase disconnection.
As Lily explains, safety and trust are foundational to connection and those are two things that are often missing in performative or high-pressure environments.
Distance From Others, Distance From the Body
This episode also explores a powerful parallel: the connection between feeling distant from others and feeling distant from your own body.
Many of us learned, often through trauma, body image struggles, or eating disorders, to disconnect as a form of protection. When being present felt unsafe, disconnection became a coping strategy.
That’s why practices that bring us back into the body (movement, breath, sensory experiences) can feel both grounding and uncomfortable. Feeling again means risking vulnerability.
And vulnerability, especially for people who have been hurt before, can feel dangerous.
You Don’t Have to Solve Distance All at Once
If you’re feeling distant right now, this episode offers gentle, realistic reminders:
-
You don’t have to force connection where it isn’t available
-
Distance doesn’t mean you’re broken
-
Relief doesn’t require understanding everything about your past
-
Small moments of autonomy still matter
-
Nourishment (yes, food included) is a form of emotional regulation
Connection can start with music. With stepping outside. With texting someone who gets it. With letting yourself be human in a season that demands performance.
About Lily
Lily Thrope, LCSW (she/her) is the founder of Thrope Therapy LCSW PLLC, a psychotherapy practice located in Midtown Manhattan.
Thrope Therapy specializes in supporting individuals who experience eating disorders, disordered eating, low self esteem, anxiety, depression and LGBTQIA-related issues. Lily uses an anti-diet and weight inclusive approach.
Lily helps her clients find the confidence to face issues and find ways to live their happiest and most authentic lives. Thrope Therapy is built on the belief that each and every person deserves support and a safe space to work towards their most fulfilled and happy self.
Lily is a graduate of New York University where she earned her Master’s in Social Work. She is a New York State Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor.
Follow on Instagram or LinkedIn and join her Recovery Supper Club.
