Written by Brogan Rossi
Let’s talk about the thing no one writes in the baby shower card: rage. Not the "I'm a little tired and cranky" kind. The white-hot, boiling-over, “if one more person asks to hold this baby I might throw a bottle at their head” kind. Yeah. That kind.
We don’t talk about it, not really. Instead, we’re handed a cultural script: The newborn phase is supposed to be beautiful. Magical. Fleeting. A sacred window of sleepy snuggles and fresh baby smells. Everyone loves to remind you, “The days are long but the years are short,” as if that’s supposed to soothe the deep internal unraveling you're experiencing. (It doesn’t.)
No one stops you at the grocery store and says, “Wow, I was so angry and exhausted during the baby phase I once locked myself in the bathroom just to scream for a little bit.” And yet... maybe they should.
The Rage Is Real (And Common)
We’ve been conditioned to believe that once the baby arrives, we should feel nothing but gratitude and adoration. You should be “smitten,” glowing, basking in the miracle of life. But what we don’t talk about is the other stuff that shows up alongside the love. The stuff that doesn’t make for a good Hallmark movie: the anxiety, the depression, the rage.
According to Postpartum Support International, 1 in 7 women experience postpartum depression, and postpartum rage is an under-discussed but very real symptom that often comes with it. It’s not rare. It’s not weird. It’s not something “other moms” go through. It’s something we’re just not talking about enough.
And instead of naming it and making space for it, we brush it off. “Oh, those crazy postpartum hormones had me doing wild things!” Except those wild things? They’re real feelings. And they deserve real support.
Rage Doesn’t Cancel Out Love
Here’s what they don’t tell you: You can love your baby so much it makes your neck cramp from staring at them too long…
… and you can feel furious that they won’t let you sleep. You can want to protect them with every fiber of your being.
… and want to run away from the sound of their cry. You can have your heart stretched open with love.
… and want to scream into a pillow when your partner chews too loud during your 6-minute lunch break.
These aren’t contradictions. These are just the truths of postpartum.
You Are Not Broken. You Are Not Failing.
Postpartum rage doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It doesn’t mean you’re unstable. And it definitely doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom.
It means your body, mind, and heart are moving through the most seismic transformation of your life. Your hormones are a mess. Your nervous system is on high alert. You are sleep-deprived and soul-stretched and holding more than any one human should have to.
Instead of hiding this truth, what if we created a culture that could hold it? What if we talked about rage and anxiety and all the "ugly" parts of motherhood before they hit like a freight train? What if we welcomed the mess instead of shaming it?
So Let’s Talk About It
Let’s stop labeling those who feel postpartum rage as “others.” Let’s stop pretending that we have it all together while secretly crying in the closet. Let’s stop pretending that the baby phase is only beautiful.
Let’s start making space.
Let’s scream. Dance. Walk. Shake it out. Cry in the car. Sing off-key. And talk about it. Really talk about it.
Because you are not alone.
You are not bad. You are not broken.
You are a mother and you are doing an incredible, impossible, beautiful, hard thing.
Let’s hold space for that.
