Grief isn’t always loud.
Sometimes it’s not the funeral, the sobbing, or the goodbye. Sometimes it’s the things we never got to say. The role we wanted a parent to play. The family we imagined we’d have. The apology that never came. The version of ourselves we had to let go of just to survive.
That’s grief too.
We tend to associate grief with death, but truthfully, it shows up in quieter places: in relationships that didn’t turn out how we hoped, in traditions that feel more painful than joyful, in families that just... couldn’t give us what we needed.
In our latest episode of If You Have Feelings, we sat down with someone who knows this intimately. A friend, a fellow feeler, someone who’s been through the ache of navigating family dynamics and redefining what healing can look like in real time.
The Grief of What Never Was
One of the biggest truths we unpacked in this episode is that you can grieve something even if it never technically existed.
- A parent who was emotionally unavailable.
- A family culture that never talked about feelings.
- A childhood that looked good on the outside but was quietly shattering on the inside.
This kind of grief is slippery. It doesn’t get casseroles or cards. It rarely gets named. But it lives in our bodies. In the tension in our shoulders. The ache in our chest. The way we brace ourselves for every holiday season.
And when we don’t name it, it doesn’t go away. It festers. It shows up in how we cope, in how we parent, in how we show up in relationships.
The Power of Naming the Loss
So what happens when we actually name that grief?
When we say out loud:
“I am grieving the version of my family I always wished for.”
“I’m grieving the closeness that was never there.”
“I’m grieving the silence, the distance, the denial.”
It’s not about blame. It’s not about rewriting the past. It’s about giving your pain a place to breathe. Because when you name it, you can stop pretending it didn’t happen. You can begin to move through it instead of around it.
You can stop gaslighting yourself into thinking it wasn’t a big deal just because it’s not the kind of grief everyone talks about.
Real Talk: Grief Doesn’t Have a Timeline
Grief doesn’t always hit you like a tidal wave. Sometimes it sneaks in quietly years later, in a therapy session, a random Tuesday, or during a phone call that goes sideways.
And you know what? That’s valid. Grief is not linear. It doesn’t follow polite rules. It doesn't care that you already “moved on.” It just wants to be witnessed.
Let it.
What If You’re Still In It?
If you’re in the middle of family tension, estrangement, or unspoken resentment, this is your permission to grieve right now. You don’t need to wait for things to blow up, end, or resolve to acknowledge what’s hurting.
Ask yourself:
- What part of your family’s story have you been grieving in silence?
- What might shift if you finally named that loss out loud?
Seriously. Sit with that. Journal it. Text a friend. Leave us a voicemail on the Real Feels Hotline. Whatever you do, don’t hold it alone.
Final Thought
There’s no gold star for pretending you’re okay. There’s no trophy for staying silent about your pain. Grief is not weakness. It’s not drama. It’s not something to “get over.”
Grief is love with nowhere to go.
It’s the most human thing about us.
So if you're feeling it (whatever "it" is), you’re not broken. You’re not alone. You're just grieving. And you're allowed to talk about it.
We’ll be here when you do.
About Alex Harrison
Alex (she/her/hers) of Just Keep It Goin is a licensed clinical social worker and therapist who has spent the last fifteen years helping couples and families find better ways to do life together. As both a blended family coach and a card-carrying member of the "Bonus Mom Club", she helps people build connections, calm the chaos, and develop the skills that truly work in blended family life.
Follow @justkeepitgoin on Instagram or connect with her on LinkedIn.
