Written by Alexandra Dawson
Everyone talks about the baby. Almost no one talks about what happens to you. If you've ever cried in the shower, Googled "why do I feel like I'm failing as a mom," or looked at your partner and thought, "Please suffer with me," this one's for you. Licensed therapist Gayane Aramyan gets real about the emotional rollercoaster of new parenthood—and how to survive it with your sanity (and sense of self) intact.
What Is Perinatal Mental Health? (Hint: It’s More Than Just the Baby Blues)
If you thought postpartum mental health was just about feeling sad after the baby arrives—you're not alone. But therapist Gayane Aramyan, LMFT, says there’s a lot more to the story.
“Perinatal applies to while you're pregnant and post-pregnancy... You can feel depressive symptoms while you're pregnant, too. And there’s also postpartum anxiety, postpartum OCD, rage, and even psychosis.”
Let’s break that down. According to the Maternal Mental Health Alliance, perinatal mental health covers how you feel emotionally and mentally from pregnancy through about two years after birth. It's not just about depression—it’s the full emotional ride, before and after the baby shows up.
Here’s how it can look:
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Depression: Feeling numb, hopeless, or tired all the time—even when your baby’s thriving.
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Anxiety: Racing thoughts, panic, or constant worry (What if something happens? What if I mess this up?).
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Postpartum psychosis: A rare but serious condition where someone might feel paranoid, confused, or see and hear things that aren’t real. This needs immediate medical support.
And you’re far from alone—1 in 5 moms will experience some form of this. So if you're pregnant and already feeling off? You're not imagining things. You're not weak. You're human (Vogue).
💡Try This:
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Keep a mood journal—track your sleep, feelings, and thoughts. Patterns help.
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Share changes with your OB, midwife, or therapist. Speak up. Then speak up again.
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Know that “baby blues” should ease within two weeks. If they don’t? It’s time for a deeper check-in.
How a Therapist’s Pandemic Birth Changed Her Entire Career
Gayane gave birth in July 2020, right in the middle of lockdowns, isolation, and uncertainty. Like many of us, she tried to use her time "wisely." So she studied for her board exam while breastfeeding.
“Looking back, I get why I had such a hard time.”
When she felt something was off and her body begged for rest, she was told to tough it out. She was told what so many new moms are:
“I called my doctor and said I was feeling off. She said, 'You're just a new mom.' But I knew something was wrong. It turned out to be hypothyroidism.”
And here’s the thing: she’s not alone.
An estimated 1 in 10 women experience thyroid disorders like hypothyroidism, which can be easily missed in pregnancy or postpartum because the symptoms often sound like “normal mom stuff.” (Think fatigue, mood swings, weight changes, and lots of brain fog.)
Here’s a crash course:
Our thyroid is a tiny, butterfly-shaped gland in our neck that produces hormones (T3 and T4) responsible for energy, mood, metabolism, temperature, and more. When it’s underactive—aka hypothyroidism—your whole body slows down.
This isn’t something you can “just push through.” It needs real medical attention.
💡Try This:
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If you’re feeling off, ask for a full thyroid and hormone panel—especially around 6 weeks postpartum.
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Keep a list of your symptoms, no matter how “normal” they seem.
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Remind yourself: Fatigue, mood swings, and brain fog are worth investigating. You deserve answers.
You Can Feel Grateful and Still Grieve Your Old Life
If you've ever thought, "I love my baby... but I miss my freedom, my body, my life," you’re not alone.
“There's nothing else in life that gives you such polarizing feelings at the same time than having a baby. You love them so much, but you're also like, 'What is this life?'”
💡Try This:
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List 3 things you miss from your "before" life. Now brainstorm 1 small way to reclaim each (yes, even 5 minutes counts).
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Remind yourself: Missing parts of yourself doesn't mean you love your baby any less.
Resentment Is Real—And It Doesn't Make You a Bad Parent
This might be the most silent struggle: feeling frustrated at your baby. Or your partner. Or yourself.
“How could you resent this precious baby? But it happens. You haven’t showered, your body feels foreign, you’re arguing with your partner… It’s a lot.”
You’re not broken. You’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and human.
“Moms feel shame saying, 'I don’t feel bonded yet.' But it's a symptom of postpartum depression. And it deserves compassion, not judgment.”
💡Try This:
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Say the hard thing out loud to someone safe.
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Join a virtual postpartum support group—you are so not alone.
"Please Suffer With Me" — The Shift in Partner Dynamics
You thought you'd be a team. But suddenly, you're the MVP, coach, and water girl.
“I married my high school sweetheart. We were great! And suddenly, I was mad at him for not lactating.”
“Dad needs a haircut? He just goes. Mom wants a break? Cue the mom guilt.”
💡Try This:
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Have a weekly check-in with your partner (even 10 minutes while baby naps).
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Use "I feel" statements and be specific: "I feel resentful when I haven’t had alone time in days. I need a 30-minute break tomorrow."
What Is Postpartum Rage? Yes, It’s a Thing
If you've ever slammed a cabinet, snapped over nothing, or scared yourself with your own intensity—that might be postpartum rage.
“It feels physical, like fire inside. It’s usually a sign of unmet needs—exhaustion, overwhelm, disconnection.”
“It happens. And you’re not alone. Therapy helps you name it, tame it, and work with it.”
💡Try This:
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Keep a "rage log" to spot triggers.
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Practice 4-7-8 breathing when you feel heat rising.
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Plan a non-negotiable break every week (even 20 minutes). You matter.
How to Actually Help a New Parent (Hint: Don’t Just Say 'Hang in There')
Support doesn’t have to be grand. It has to be real.
Instead of "Let me know if you need anything," try:
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"Can I send you dinner tonight?"
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"Want me to hold the baby while you shower?"
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"Do you want me to just sit with you so you're not alone?"
“Don’t say 'It gets better.' Say, 'I see how hard this is. I'm here.' That validation is everything.”
💡Try This (for loved ones):
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Offer one concrete thing you can do.
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Text: "Thinking of you. No pressure to reply. You're doing great."
Why Therapy Should Start Before the Baby Arrives
Gayane says the secret isn’t waiting for things to fall apart. It’s building a team before birth.
“Let’s talk about postpartum before it happens. What does support look like? Who’s your team? What resources can we budget for?”
💡Try This:
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Make a postpartum plan like a birth plan.
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Include therapy, lactation support, night help, and meal delivery.
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Write down: "What does 'help' mean to me?" and share it with your partner.
TL;DR: The Postpartum Truth Bombs We All Need
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You can feel joy and rage, love and grief. (and even ALL of them at the same time)
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Resentment, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts don’t make you a bad parent.
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Preparation and support are not just "nice to have" — they're essential.
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You are not alone. You are not broken. You deserve to feel like you again.
💡Your Next Step:
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Save this. Share it. Send it to someone you love.
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And if this made you feel seen? You’re already doing better than you think.
About Gayane Aramyan (she/her)
Gayane Aramyan is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist specializing in perinatal mental health and couples therapy. She is passionate about helping expecting parents prepare for the postpartum period and also helping new parents navigate the challenges of parenthood. Gayane has training in Perinatal Mood & Anxiety Disorders, Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Anger Management, Internal Family Systems and Grief Processing.
Follow @therapywithgayane or visit therapywithgayane.com. She keeps it real and offers a free workbook to prep for postpartum and monthly webinars with a sleep coach and lactation consultant.
Sources
- Maternal Mental Health Alliance
- O'Hara MW, Wisner KL. Perinatal mental illness: definition, description and aetiology. Best Pract Res Clin Obstet Gynaecol. 2014 Jan;28(1):3-12. doi: 10.1016/j.bpobgyn.2013.09.002. Epub 2013 Oct 7. PMID: 24140480; PMCID: PMC7077785
- Scagliusi, Anne Lora. "We Need to Talk About Maternal Mental Health." *Vogue*, 25 May 2021, https://www.vogue.com/article/maternal-mental-health
