About Jessica Sosa
Jessica Sosa (she/her) is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, wellness consultant, and content creator dedicated to supporting Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), individuals navigating anxiety, and those experiencing Relationship OCD (ROCD). With a background in mental health and a passion for self-expression, Jessica blends therapeutic knowledge with creativity to provide compassionate resources, educational content, and holistic wellness solutions. Through her work, she helps others create nervous system-friendly spaces, cultivate self-compassion, and embrace healing with curiosity and grace.
Can you describe what anxiety and OCD felt like for you at their most intense, and how those emotions shaped your daily life?
First I would like to share what relationship OCD is because it is a lesser known form of OCD. Relationship OCD (ROCD) is a form of OCD where intrusive thoughts create overwhelming doubt about one’s relationship, leading to compulsive behaviors like excessive reassurance-seeking, analyzing feelings, or mentally checking for certainty. At its worst, ROCD felt like I was constantly questioning my own emotions. No matter how much I loved my partner, my brain would whisper, "What if this isn’t right? What if you’re making a mistake?" — and that doubt felt impossible to ignore. This experience was even more confusing and tough because I was in a healthy and loving relationship so I should not have been feeling that way.
It shaped my daily life in ways I didn’t even realize at first. I would replay conversations, analyze moments of connection (or disconnection), and compare my relationship to others. Even happy moments felt fragile, like I was waiting for proof that something was “off.” The worst part wasn’t just the doubts themselves, but the exhaustion of constantly trying to find certainty in something that can never be 100% certain. Over time, I learned that the key to healing wasn’t figuring out my relationship—it was learning to sit with uncertainty and trust myself despite it.
What were some of the biggest misconceptions you had about anxiety and OCD before your own journey, and how have those changed?
Before I understood ROCD, I thought my anxiety meant something was wrong with my relationship. I assumed that if I truly loved someone, I wouldn’t feel this much doubt. I also believed that once I “figured it out,” the anxiety would disappear, and I’d finally feel at peace. But that’s not how ROCD works.
I’ve learned that love isn’t a feeling that stays the same every second—it ebbs and flows, and that’s normal. I’ve also realized that certainty isn’t something we’re meant to have all the time. My anxiety wasn’t a warning sign—it was a false alarm. And instead of endlessly trying to reassure myself, I had to start accepting that discomfort is part of being human, especially in relationships.
Was there a particular moment when you realized that anxiety and OCD were impacting you in a deeper way than you initially thought? How did that realization feel?
Yes. I remember sitting next to my partner, feeling completely overwhelmed by my own thoughts. Instead of enjoying the moment, I was analyzing everything: Am I happy enough? Am I attracted enough? Is this right? It felt like I was disconnected from my own emotions, stuck in my head instead of my life.
That realization was terrifying because I thought, What if I never feel normal in my relationship again? But it was also a turning point. I started to understand that this wasn’t about my relationship—it was about how my brain processed uncertainty. That moment made me realize that my healing wasn’t going to come from “finding the answer” but from learning to tolerate doubt without letting it control me.
How has your relationship with uncertainty evolved, and what emotions come up when you try to challenge intrusive thoughts?
In the beginning, uncertainty felt unbearable. It was like an itch I needed to scratch—I couldn’t rest until I felt sure. Now, I see uncertainty as something I can live with. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s not dangerous.
When I challenge intrusive thoughts, I still feel fear and doubt, but I also feel a quiet confidence—a trust in myself that wasn’t there before. The more I resist the urge to “figure it out,” the more I realize I don’t have to. Uncertainty no longer feels like a problem to solve, but a part of life I can coexist with.
What coping mechanisms or tools have been the most emotionally healing for you, and what advice would you give to someone who feels like they’re stuck in a cycle of anxiety or compulsions?
One of the most healing things for me has been learning to sit with discomfort without reacting to it. My therapist was super helpful with creating a space for me to share my thoughts, feelings, fears, doubts without feeling judged. One of the biggest things my therapist taught me was we have the power to create meaning and stories to our internal experiences. I learned that anxiety and fears can just be that without it meaning anything about relationships. Self-compassion has also been huge. Instead of judging myself for having ROCD, I remind myself that my brain is just trying to protect me—it’s just a little overactive.
For anyone who feels stuck, my biggest advice is this: You don’t need certainty to have a meaningful, loving relationship. Your anxiety will try to convince you otherwise, but you don’t have to listen. Healing isn’t about making the thoughts go away—it’s about learning to live your life even with them. You are stronger than your doubts, even if it doesn’t feel that way yet.
What do you wish more people understood about the emotional toll of living with anxiety and OCD, and how can they better support those who struggle?
I wish people understood that ROCD isn’t just “having doubts” or “overthinking your relationship.” It’s an exhausting, consuming cycle of intrusive thoughts and compulsions that make even the happiest relationship feel like a source of anxiety. It’s not about being unsure of your partner—it’s about being stuck in a loop of needing certainty that doesn’t exist.
The best way to support someone with ROCD is to validate their experience without feeding the cycle. Instead of offering constant reassurance, remind them that they are capable of tolerating uncertainty. Encourage them to focus on how they want to live their life, rather than getting lost in endless analysis. And most importantly, be patient. Healing from ROCD takes time, but knowing you have someone who understands can make all the difference.
