Written by Alexandra Dawson
Spoiler: It’s not because they “won’t open up.”
Men aren’t the problem ➡️ The system is.
That quote hits like a mic drop moment at the AMA’s 🎤 and honestly? It might be the most important thing we say all month.
Ever Heard Someone Say, “Men Just Don’t Care About Mental Health”?
Let’s talk about why that’s a lie and why the real issue is so much deeper (and deadlier) than we’re comfortable admitting.
The Stats We Don’t Want to Face…
According to AAMC:
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Men unalive themselves (men who die by suicide) four times more often than women.
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Men are also diagnosed with depression way less often than women.
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And when men do show signs of distress, society hits them with:
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“They don’t talk about their feelings.”
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“They drink instead of going to therapy.”
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“They just won’t open up.”
Cool. So society is just blaming men for not thriving in a system that wasn’t built for them? Yeah… that’s not it.
“Man Up” Culture Doesn’t Just Hurt... It Hides
“Boys don’t cry” becomes ➡️ “men don’t feel” becomes ➡️ “why didn’t he say anything?”
From the time boys are little, they’re flooded with messages that emotional expression = weakness.
You’ve heard them before:
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“Toughen up.”
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“Man up.”
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“Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
That shame doesn’t just disappear. It evolves. And later in life, it can show up as things like:
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Emotional numbness
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Quiet burnout
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Anger masked as depression
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Substance use as a coping mechanism
What makes this even worse, even the men who have gone to school and studied mental health and who now work in mental health professions aren’t immune.
“I was terrified to ask my supervisor for time off to see a therapist. At first, I even considered lying and saying it was a doctor’s appointment.” — Anonymous male mental health professional on Reddit
Yes, Men Do Ask for Help; The System Just Doesn’t Hear Them
Here’s something most people don’t know:
Over 60% of men who unalive themselves (men who die by suicide) had already tried to get help.
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They weren’t just "suffering in silence.”
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They went to therapy.
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They reached out.
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They showed up.
So then what went wrong?
Because many men don’t typically have the space or confidence to say “I’m feeling really sad right now” through tears. They say it by withdrawing. Through workaholism. Through irritability. Through escapism. Through risky behavior.
But the system? It's really only designed around how depression shows up in women. And let’s face it, it’s really only designed for WEIRD (White/ Westernized, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, Democratic) women.
“Mental health providers may miss or misdiagnose psychological problems in men because of their own gender biases.” — APA Monitor on Psychology
And when men do gather up the courage to try and express themselves? Sometimes the world still just isn’t ready to receive it.
“Men do talk about our emotions and feelings. But only with people we know won’t use it against us or judge us... Now, there are men who refuse to talk about their emotions—but 9 times out of 10, it’s because their trust has been broken a few too many times.” — Redditor
Take a moment to really let that sink in. Men aren’t broken. They’re cautious. And why wouldn’t they be? They’ve literally had to learn the hard way that their vulnerability can be punished.
What Men Actually Say About Mental Health (In Their Own Words)
“We do talk. Just not with the people who weaponize our vulnerability.”
“Society has a toxic attitude toward men seeking help. Even when therapy is available, support from society is missing.”
“Everyone treats male rape survivors like a f****** joke. We don’t have places to go to recover.”
“Mental health care assumes everyone wants to cry and talk. Some of us want to solve the problem—therapy doesn’t always help with that.”
“Society needs to admit it doesn’t care about men’s feelings—or finally start showing that it does.”
The main takeaway from men is that if we want men to talk more? Then we need to start listening better.
And here’s the thing… with other areas of our health, we are much more proactive.
We Don’t Wait for a Heart Attack to Talk About Cholesterol
So then why is therapy treated like a last resort?
We are literally forced to see a doctor and get physicals during adolescence and young adulthood. We take our vitamins like we are told (mostly). If we fall and break a bone, we seek out treatment so that it can heal. When we get a deep cut, we go to urgent care for stitches. But mental health? Nope. That’s pretty much still seen as a Crisis-Only thing.
“Mental health should be approached the same way we approach physical health.” — Men’s Health Resource Center
If only we could normalize therapy like we normalize brushing our teeth. Repeatable. Routine. Boring. Regular. No drama.
Hustle Culture, Capitalism & The Fragile Male Identity Crisis
“You are not your job.” ➡️ But for many men, that’s not what they are taught.
From a young age, men are told that their job is to provide, produce, and power through. Their sense of self is wrapped up into what they can do. Their output is their worth.
But then what happens when the economy collapses, burnout strikes, or all the corporate layoffs hit? They struggle in silence.
“Men often struggle to differentiate depression from stress, especially when it’s tied to employment or financial pressure.” — National Institute of Mental Health
Sudden anger, silence, or numbing out after job loss isn’t laziness. It’s a form of pain. But no one taught them how to recognize it, let alone label it, talk about it, or process it.
Real Help = More Than Just “Talk About Your Feelings”
Let’s be real: Telling men to open up doesn’t work if we haven’t built any spaces that feel safe to open up to.
So then, what actually helps?
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✅ Update diagnostic tools to reflect how men express distress
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✅ Train therapists to spot emotional masking and gender-coded behavior
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✅ Normalize therapy as maintenance, not just crisis control
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✅ Offer therapy-adjacent options (men’s groups, breathwork, sports therapy, Discord threads)
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✅ Meet men where they’re already at (gyms, barbershops, gaming platforms, workspaces)
We don’t need to reinvent care. We just need to make sure men know that we care. We see that men’s mental health is suffering. Men need to know that there are people trying to help create change. Men need to be reassured that there are people who are willing to hold space for them to be open and vulnerable and that there are safe spaces available.
More importantly, we need to be actively collaborating with men around what’s working, what’s not helpful, and what they’d like to see more or less of in regards to their mental health care.
Final Thought: Stop Fixing Men. Starting Fixing the System.
“If someone were to view me negatively because of this, it would be a reflection of who they are—not who I am.” — Anonymous reader
The goal isn’t to change men. It’s to change what we expect of them, what society expects of men.
Because the problem? It was never men. It’s society and the systems in place.
The change needs to happen on a systematic level, to build one that finally fits men.
Because ALL men deserve mental health care that works for them.
