Written by Rae Thomas
I’ve been thinking a lot about grit recently...
That feeling where you dig deep, real deep and muster the strength to keep going. I described it the other day as that feeling when you’re walking in the wind, like into the wind. It sucks, you curse at yourself, pull your hood up hunch your shoulders over look down and push forward.
I’ve been thinking about it a lot because honestly, I need it right now. And my clients need it too.
Is it just me or does everyone seem to be going THROUGH it right now?! Life just keeps throwing curve balls at everyone. No, not curve balls. Dodgeballs, big red gross PE class dodgeballs. Don’t respond quick enough and you get dropped, hard.
Big surprise bills,.
Family drama that you inevitably get pulled into.
Over demanding and under paying jobs.
Midweek mental breakdowns because of another headline.
It all feels like a mess. Like I come up for air, but I only get one breath and the waves take me under again. I’m tired. Are you tired? F*ck. Aren’t we all tired?
Maybe we should just run away, quit the system and start a commune (listen if you’re down, shoot me a message 👀).
However wonderful and beautiful as that sounds, it's not realistic for a good chunk of us. We have responsibilities, people depending on us, and iced lattes that we really like having once a week (goddamnit). So when the iced latte calls, we dig for spare change, and we dig for grit.
I just started reading (well, listening to because multitasking) Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth.
Literally not even done with Chapter 1, and it's already got me feeling grittier. Mostly because it's reassuring me that talent or pure aptitude for something doesn’t directly relate to success or overcoming obstacles. Perseverance does. And I’ve got that.
I’m one stubborn MF-er. A good chunk of that is inherited, I have to admit, just ask my mom about my tantrums and almost breaking down doors… oops. But it’s also a skill I’ve built over the years. Of putting my head down, hunching my shoulders over, looking down and pushing forward.
Upon reflection, I did it slowly. Small steps over time. And there’s a few tools I keep coming back to in times when I need that grittiness. They might help you or they might not. Maybe this whole post is just a chance for me to remind myself I’ve fucking got this. If that’s the case, I’m ok with that. But man, if it helps you too, that would be a really cool bonus.
Have a pity party
- When the ball comes flying and hits you in the head, you are allowed to lay on the floor and cry about it! Kick. Scream. Wail. Whatever you gotta do girlfriend. Life SUCKS sometimes and we have to leave space to acknowledge the suck. So call your friend to bitch about it. Cry to the sad songs. Scream into the pillow or tear up that big bill (after you take down the info you need to pay it lol). The catch? You can’t live there. Living a life that’s always a party is usually not super healthy. You can’t live in your pity party 24/7 either.
Do a hard thing that isn’t THE hard thing
- I climb big mountains when I’m in need of grit. Like literally, I go climb a 14,000 foot peak in Colorado, or really just any big mound that i look up and say… oof. I’m not sure about this one. The key is doing a thing that is hard in one way or another. Something that afterwards you’ll feel accomplished, proud of yourself, and you’ll feel like a boss who’s got this! Doesn’t have to be a mountain, that’s just my thing. Maybe you beat that really hard video game level or learn that hard guitar riff or tackle that house project you’ve been putting off. Just don’t do the thing that is feeling hard right now, we gotta build some confidence for that one. This comes first.
Triage the scene
- By scene, I mean your life. What all is on your plate right now, what are hard things, what are necessary things, and what needs to be put out to pasture for your own sanity. Get clear about the priorities and where you need grittiness most. We can’t tackle all the hard things in all areas at once, one step at a time sunshine.
Queue up your hype song… or outfit, or meal, or whatever.
- What’s a thing that makes you feel powerful? Something that makes you feel like you could, if needed, stop that truck that’s headed right for your loved one. I suggest having multiple of these in your back pocket, just in case you need an extra boost. Mine? So glad you asked. Winged eyeliner, a very particular sports bra, freshly washed hair, adventure overalls, Favorite Song by Chance The Rapper, a ring I had engraved for myself as a teen, hot but not scalding cup of coffee, and my $12 Casio watch. Why? I don’t know. We don’t need to answer every question we have.
Do it… screaming, crying, cursing, laughing, flailing. Nike it up, but in a real way.
- Listen, I don’t want to be cliche. It’s annoying. But also. It’s real. When the hard thing comes. Really the only answer to getting through it is just… doing it. It’s facing it head on, winged eyeliner and all. I find adopting a healthy ‘fuck it’ attitude is helpful. Maybe I'll look like an idiot doing this. Maybe my business will ‘make it’ or maybe it’ll fail within the month. Maybe this relationship is over or maybe we’ll be stronger than ever… Fuck it, let’s find out. You can scream while you do it, cry, curse, do whatever you gotta do while you do it, but you have to do the thing.
Stay curious out there
- No one knows the future, if they claim to… how much did you pay them? 😅 We don’t know what the outcome of doing the hard thing will bring, at least usually. I’d argue that’s what makes it hard, is the not knowing. If you knew you’d win the race after months of training, well you’d probably not think twice. Do the hard thing to find out the outcome. Not to ensure the outcome, but to just see what happens. Stay curious out there, leave room for all the possibilities of what can happen when we dig deep and get gritty.
I can’t say any of these will make getting through whatever the hell is happening right now all that much easier. It will still suck. Whatever you are going through right now sucks.
But I know for me these things make it a doable suck. Like, I’ll get through it kind of suck. And I’ll find some sense of joy, peace, beauty beyond the suck. And for me, those moments are worth it. For all the suck in the world.
^ my ‘worth it’ moment of the week
