When Everything Feels Like a Dumpster Fire
Let’s be real—life lately has felt like the chaotic energy of Don’t Look Up meets the existential dread of Inside Out's Sadness. If you’ve found yourself doomscrolling, getting into pointless arguments, or snapping at your cat for looking at you wrong, you’re not alone.
We recently sat down with trauma educator and wellness consultant Jemarc Axinto to talk about self-regulation—what it is, why we need it, and how to stop living in a constant state of fight, flight, or freak out.
Wait, What Even Is Self-Regulation?
Self-regulation is your ability to manage emotions and stress responses so you don’t, say, go full Succession-style meltdown over an email. "When we experience ongoing stress, our nervous system starts to function as if we’re in danger 24/7," Axinto explains. "This leads to overgeneralizing threats, reacting impulsively, and struggling to process emotions."
And in case you were wondering, no, binging your favorite Netflix series in one sitting is not a coping skill (though it is a great temporary escape).
Signs You’re Stuck in Reactivity Mode
Axinto describes fear-based functioning as a survival strategy many of us inherit, especially first-generation individuals raised in households where scarcity, safety, and stability were constant concerns. Here’s how it shows up:
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Overgeneralization – Seeing one red flag and deciding an entire situation is doomed.
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Emotional Avoidance – Pushing feelings aside until they explode at the worst possible moment (ahem, Ross’s "we were on a break" rant).
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Hypervigilance – Always being on edge, waiting for something to go wrong.
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Doomscrolling & Numbing Behaviors – Distracting yourself instead of dealing with emotions.
Source: Twitter
Breaking the Cycle: How to Self-Regulate
The good news? You don’t have to live in a perpetual state of burnout and anxiety. Axinto offers these self-regulation techniques:
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Pause for 90 Seconds – Neuroscientists say emotions peak in 90 seconds. Instead of reacting, sit with the feeling. No stories, no overthinking—just observe.
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Choose Sensations Over Stories – Instead of spiraling about why you’re anxious, focus on how it feels in your body. Tight chest? Warm face? Just acknowledge it without attaching a narrative. (Insert our Body Sensations Wheel here.)
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Somatic Release – Shake it out (literally). Dance, stretch, twerk—yes, twerking is trauma-informed. Axinto even recommends a deep belly scream, but limit it to 2-3 times so you don’t re-trigger yourself.
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Breathe – You can’t breathe in the past or future, only in the now. Focus on deep, intentional breaths to ground yourself in the present.
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Check Your Coping Mechanisms – Ask yourself: Is this helping me process or is it just numbing me? If you’re binge-watching The Office for the 12th time instead of addressing your emotions, it might be time to reassess.
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Limit Venting Time – Talking about your struggles is healthy—to a point. If you’re constantly rehashing the same pain without seeking solutions, you’re reinforcing neural pathways that keep you stuck.
Final Takeaway: You Can’t Heal in Survival Mode
Axinto leaves us with this truth bomb: "You can’t heal trauma in the same environment that caused it. The goal of self-regulation isn’t to ignore what’s happening—it’s to build resilience so you can respond, not react."
If you’re ready to start exploring your emotions in a way that actually leads to growth, check out our Feelings Wheel and Body Sensations Wheel, designed to help you gain clarity and self-awareness without the emotional overwhelm. Because let’s face it, we all deserve to function beyond just survival mode.
About Jemarc Axinto (they/she/he)
Jemarc Axinto is a Filipinx, Nonbinary, Subclinical Mental Health professional, Trauma Educator, Trauma Recovery Coach and Wellness Consultant with a deep practice rooted in Tibetan Buddhism and a holistic view of spirituality and wellness. They have dedicated over ten years of their life to the actualization of a mind, body, spirit balanced no longer withheld by trauma, labels, and roles.
They’ve turned this deep study into an alchemical process to empower everyone they meet into actualizing their most authentic selves and radically rewiring their brains to heal trauma at its root in the nervous system. Their work has allowed them to support thousands of people globally both as a Trauma Recovery Coach and for Nonprofit and Forprofit organizations as a Wellness Consultant. Jemarc’s unique approach to healing is one that does not reject anyone so long as they keep their hearts open to their Innate Goodness. They believe that healing isn’t about restricting oneself to one path, but rather about finding your own path on the path.
If you are eager to finally know who you are, heal your relationships with yourself and others, and finally stop the cycle of destructive reactivity in your life, you can reach Jemarc on their website or email them at spiritualgeek@jemarcaxinto.com.
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