Written by Alexandra Dawson
What if that "Are you still watching" notification isn't just a subtle throw of shade, but a wellness check?
Picture this: You're four episodes deep into The Summer I Turned Pretty, your DoorDash order is getting cold, and you haven't moved from your bed since 2 PM. Then out of nowhere… Bam! Netflix hits you with that passive-aggressive "Are you still watching?" OOF. That was a low blow. And if we’re being totally honest? It stings a little.
Spilling the tea 🫖: That notification might just be a mini reality check we didn't know we needed.
What Emotional Avoidance Looks Like (And Why It’s So Common)
We've all been sold the idea that self-care looks like face masks, bubble baths, and unlimited screen time. But what if I told you that half the things you call "self-care" are actually just... avoidance in cute packaging?
Are You Resting or Just Numbing Out?
(And Why It Matters for Your Anxiety)
Avoidance energy: "I can't deal with this right now, so I'm going to pretend it doesn't exist."
Self-care energy: "I'm going to take care of myself so I can deal with this."
Notice the difference? The first one ultimately leaves us feeling worse (hello, Sunday Scaries after a weekend of "self-care"), while the other actually helps us show up better in our lives.
The Difference Between Avoidance and Real Self-Care
So the next time you're about to cancel plans, skip having that difficult conversation, or dive into another TikTok rabbit hole, ask yourself the following:
"Am I running *from* something or *toward* something?" #VibeCheck
Avoidance Mode vs. Self-Care Mode: Spot the Signs
Running FROM (Avoidance Mode):
- Canceling dinner because your ex might be there
- Scrolling Instagram instead of checking your bank account
- Binge-watching shows to avoid thinking about that fight with your roommate
- Shopping online to distract from work stress
Running TOWARD (Self-Care Mode):
- Taking a mental health day because you're genuinely burned out
- Going for a walk to clear your head before a difficult conversation
- Journaling through your feelings instead of numbing them
- Setting boundaries to protect your energy
Burnout and the Nervous System: Why Nothing Feels Restful Anymore
Functional Freezes and Emotional Shutdowns in Gen Z & Millennials are a real thing.
Avoidance is like putting a cute band-aid on a cut so deep you need stitches. It might look like you're handling things, but underneath? Everything's still oozing and things are definitely not fine. While we may not think much of it in the moment, there’s a lot going on when we decide to disappear from our lives by avoiding it.
Here's what really happens when we opt to avoid:
- That anxiety you're trying to escape? It compounds with interest and will most likely add tax
- The problem gets bigger while you feel like you and your agency are getting smaller
- You start avoiding the avoidance (meta-anxiety, anyone?)🙋♀️
- Your confidence takes a hit because deep down, you know you're running
Resulting in… All the feelings of not being capable or good enough to handle our own lives.
Real Self-Care Isn’t Always Pretty…But It Works
How to Actually Take Care of Yourself (Without the Toxic Positivity):
- Having an uncomfortable conversation instead of ghosting
- Checking your credit score even though it's really scary
- Going to therapy instead of just talking about going to therapy someday
- Asking for help before you're spiraling into a different galaxy
- Feeling your feelings instead of numbing them out
Hot take: The most radical act of self-care is showing up for the hard stuff.
Reflective Prompts to Check In With Your Emotional Wellness
Sometimes you genuinely can't deal.
Like your anxiety is a 12/10. You're overwhelmed, or you literally don't have the emotional bandwidth to handle the situation. That's not avoidance, that's called being human. Those are the moments when self care is beneficial.
The difference? Knowing whether it’s a conscious choice vs. an unconscious reaction.
Real self-care means saying: "I can't handle this right now, AND I'm going to make a plan for when I can."
Your New Mantra for the Second Half of 2025:
“I'm not avoiding my life. I'm preparing to live it fully."
Because here's the thing that no one tells you in those wellness IG posts: You can't selectively numb out certain feels and experience others. When you avoid the hard emotions, you also dim your capacity for joy, excitement, and genuine connection.
Regardless of what my inner monologue says, the real goal isn't to never feel overwhelmed or anxious ever again. The goal is to learn how to experience and move through those feelings instead of getting stuck in their spiral.
TL;DR The Truth About Avoidance, Burnout, and Emotional Healing
So, back to that Netflix notification? It's not judging you. I promise. It's offering you a mini moment to check in with yourself. Are you watching because you genuinely need rest and entertainment? Cool. Keep watching. But if you are watching because you're avoiding something that's been causing you stress and lack of sleep…😬
Know that both are valid. But only one of those is actually considered an act of self care.
And let’s be real, our mental health deserves more than a little clever avoidance dressed up as self-care. Because we all deserve to show up for our own lives, the messy, scary, beautiful parts and all. Now excuse me while I go have that difficult convo with my mom that I've been avoiding all week. (After I finish this episode, obviously.)
What's one thing you've been avoiding that's disguised as "self-care"? The comments are a judgment-free zone. Pinky promise. We're all figuring this out together.
