About Kajsa Nikole
Kajsa Nikole (she/her) is a mental heath advocate and social media strategist based in Orange County, California. She believes that everyone should have access to the resources they need (therapy included) to feel like their best self.
Growing up, she experienced various traumas which ultimately led to her healing journey and passion for mental health. In her spare time, you will find her reading, searching for her next best flea market or Facebook Marketplace find, or planning her next trip out of the country.
Can you describe what it was like growing up feeling like you couldn't express your emotions?
It wasn’t so much that I wasn’t allowed to express them, but more so that I didn’t know how to express them because it was never modeled for us growing up. I didn’t witness healthy communication about feelings and I had a really hard time processing them, understanding where they came from, and communicating them to my family and friends. So I never did.
How did the expectation of being "the strong one" impact your mental and emotional well-being?
I think back to a recent conversation I had with my family about communication and how we could be better about more consistently checking in on one another. My relative replied, “We don’t check in with you often, because we feel like we never have to worry about you.”
I always felt this immense pressure to be the strong one—the person everyone could rely on, the one who always seemed to have it all together. It was almost like a badge of honor that I had to wear (especially as the eldest sibling), but it came at a significant cost to my mental and emotional health. I internalized the idea that expressing my feelings, especially anything that might be perceived as negative or vulnerable, would be taken a sign of weakness. This led to a lot of suppressed emotions, feelings of isolation, and an overwhelming sense of responsibility that I felt that I couldn’t share with anyone—even though no one ever explicitly told me that I couldn’t. It was exhausting and, over time, it manifested into serious anxiety and depression.
Looking back, what do you wish someone had told you when you were struggling with the pressure to always be strong and never ask for help?
I think it would have made a huge difference if someone had reassured me that it's okay to lean on others, that asking for support isn’t a negative thing. If I had been taught how to embrace that mindset earlier and understand my emotions, I would have addressed my mental health much sooner, instead of letting things build up until they became overwhelming.
For someone who feels the same pressure to always be strong and avoid showing vulnerability, what advice would you offer?
I'd tell them how important it is to acknowledge your limits and know when it's time to ask for help. The pressure to always be strong or perfect can create this false narrative that you can or are supposed to handle everything on your own, but that’s not sustainable and your family and friends won’t know when and if you need support.
I’ve learned to say, “I can’t do this by myself,” and that doing so doesn’t make me weak or mean that I’m a failure. I hope you can do the same for yourself.
