Written by Rae Thomas, MA, LPC
I’ve always thought it would be interesting to somehow get data on how many times a day people use the word stressed. I guess with our phones listening to us, we probably could do that now 👀.
I’m guilty as charged with this one. Stressed is a common word in my household and amongst my friend group. I’m stressed about emails, about my ever fluctuating case load, about money, about time, about our earth, about my new plant cuttings...
Is this a problem? Oh totally.
The days of seeing stress as a badge of honor are fading, slowly. Constant stress isn’t helping my mental or physical health, that’s for sure. Yet I’m always coming back to this idea that not all stress is necessarily bad stress, and my stress isn’t the same as another person's stress. But when we’re all just using the same word "stress", we miss out on the nuances in it all. We miss out on deeper connections when we talk about stress and the potential for others to support.
Disclaimer Time
There is SO much more gray area in between these categories that I’m proposing, and likely many categories I’m missing. Stress is NOT black and white. Very few things are black and white. So think of these ‘categories’ more like mesh lined buckets that each can seep into another. And forgive the rigidity for ease of explanation 😘.
Good or Bad Stress
Bad stress is easy enough to spot. It’s the stress that comes from the shit things that are happening in your world. The unexpected parking ticket, suddenly sick child, or the extra project that just got slapped on your desk.
Good stress has a similar aftertaste but that first bite of this stress is sweet. It’s the new opportunity that is your dream job that you’ve got to find time to squeeze in while you work your 9-5. It’s accidentally double booking two things you were really looking forward to. It’s moving into your dream residence, because no matter what, moving is always stressful.
Naming stress as good or bad can help us take perspective whether it's: "f*ck this" moment or "I am grateful and drowning".
Resource Stress
Money, Time, Space, Food, Housing.
These types of stress hit at our basic needs, with small levels of stress causing minimal discomfort and higher stress sending us into pure survival mode. When you’re talking about resource stress, be conscious to check in with yourself about what level of resource stress you’re experiencing and what level others might be experiencing.
Relationship Stress
This encompasses the fight you had with your partner last night, how hard it’s been to make friends as an adult, or the weird relationship you have with your mom right now. It may not always feel as urgent as other types of stress, but it can creep up on you as you’re falling asleep at night or trying to quietly meditate. Practice naming this type of stress with someone you trust to start out. Notice if you feel more connected or more supported!
Safety Stress
Living in war, experiencing threats on your life, being diagnosed with a severe medical condition, anything that causes a worry for your ability to continue to not just live, but live with autonomy. This type of stress often lives in the shadows or the 30 second news update. And yet this stress is experienced by so many across the world every single day. The next time you listen to the news, take note of stories that may be causing safety stress for others or even yourself.
Existential Stress
Stress related to things beyond just you and your life. This could be worry about your country, the world as a whole, the next generation to come, or all of humanity. Think big big picture. Think 1 am can’t fall asleep existential dread after watching a new environmental documentary. This type of stress can be particularly infuriating because it can feel so far away yet so crucial.
There’s so much more that can be said on the topic of stress.
- What to do with each of these?
- How to manage stress in these areas?
- How to support others with these stressors?
Want another blog post on stress? Let us know!
In the meantime, we can always start with awareness. Being more intentional about how we label our stress to ourselves and others.
