About Samantha Hawley
Samantha Hawley, BS, MBA (she/her) is a Journal Expert who has experienced many life transitions that accompany big emotions. Everything from moving eight times in ten years, going through pregnancy & new mom life, getting divorced, and feeling unfulfilled in her corporate job. She opened up her journal to vent about feeling overwhelmed with it all, and ended up finding her voice, elevated her self worth & started living her life more intentionally. Now, she teaches women who are also going through transitions how to create the same level of awareness, inner peace, self trust & fulfillment in their own lives.
With the New Year, many people feel pressure to set ambitious goals. Can you share how you personally experience and manage that pressure?
I use January as a time to check in on myself vs. a time to set goals. Every year is different based on the “season of life” that I’m in. Some years, that season has meant setting big goals because they truly excited me. For a few years, I didn’t create any goals because I was a new mom and my priority was taking it day by day. This year, I haven’t set any specific goals but I created a ‘Word of the Year’. I chose Energy because I want to prioritize activities, habits, people & opportunities that energize me throughout my day and say no to those that don’t. Having a special word allows me to take all the pressure off of achieving anything specific and make sure that I’m aligned with how I want to show up each day.
What role do emotions like fear, doubt, or guilt play in self-sabotage, especially when striving for big resolutions?
There are 10 different types of self-sabotage and they show up in different ways for all of us. These are patterns we adopted as children as safety mechanisms, and are now subconscious - so it’s nothing to judge ourselves for. Knowing this will help you look at your own patterns with more compassion vs. judgment.
One of my top sabotage patterns is Hyper-Achieving, which means that my fear of failure prevents me from setting any goals at all, or from setting too “big” of goals. I’d rather play small than to risk failing at something big. Someone who has a strong Hyper-Vigilant or Restless sabotage pattern likely doubts themselves which causes them to question everything and jump from one activity or goal to the next, risking not staying focused for long enough to accomplish what they truly desire. Guilt comes into play strongly with the People-Pleaser & Avoider. They say yes to everyone, every opportunity or request to please the other person or to avoid conflict which results in resentment and not achieving their goals or ultimately how they want to feel.
Have you ever set a New Year’s goal that didn’t go as planned? How did you navigate the emotions tied to that experience?
So many! I don’t think you're human if you haven’t set a goal that didn’t go as planned. That, or your saboteurs are hard at work keeping you safe 😉 I navigated those emotions in my journal. I honored & worked through feeling frustrated, let down, upset that all my hard work didn’t result in my desired outcome & even jealous if others had achieved a similar goal. Slowing down to physically write (or typing if I have a lot to vent about) allows me to process my feelings and converse with myself instead of jumping to conclusions like “I’m not good enough”. I always ended my (usually quick) journal entries feeling validated with micro-steps to move forward.
How has your understanding of your own emotions evolved through the process of setting and working toward goals?
Our emotions are so deeply tied to the goals that we set, or don’t set, and if we choose to keep working towards them throughout the year. I used to set goals at the beginning of the year because everyone was doing it and I felt like I should. I’d start the year inspired and end feeling “good” about what I accomplished and ignore the things that I ‘failed’ at.
NOW, when something comes up that throws me off kilter (overwhelm, anxiety, a sleepless night or sick-streak with my 4 year old), I use my 5-step journaling process to work through the big emotions or setback. It gives me so awareness of the root cause, I’m able to get curious instead of taking my initial thoughts as truth, I gain clarity & create those action steps that feel so motivating whether I choose to continue on with the goal or shift. Overall, I’m so much more intentional throughout my day-to-day life instead of just at the beginning and end of the year.
Are there any specific habits or practices that help you move through moments of self-doubt or fear of failure?
Yes! My default habit is to turn to my journal and write through the feeling. Here’s an example of what I call a Journal Prompt Flow (which is how I prompt myself through a big emotion like self doubt!):
- What scares me about achieving this goal?
- Is this stemming from a past experience?
- If so, am I the same person today that I was back then?
- What is the worst case if I go for the goal & “fail”?
- What would “failure” look like?
- And what will I do if I “fail”? (I call this ‘worst case solution’)
- What is the best, most magical, case if I continue towards this goal?
- How can I remind myself that I’m worthy and that I have what it takes to achieve this goal?
What advice would you give to someone who finds themselves stuck in a cycle of setting goals and then sabotaging their progress?
1. Take a step back and ask yourself why you’re setting that goal specifically, who it’s for, and what do you feel is getting in the way? Our inner voice always knows the answer; we need to learn to hear it and trust it.
2. Once you know your sabotage pattern, there’s a unique way to disrupt each, but one way to break through them all is immediate presence of your body. Incorporate your 5 senses into where you are right now.
So much peace is on the other side of awareness + letting go of expectations (personal & perceived) and trusting what you know is best for you - even if that shifts your goal for this year to rest more or build the million-dollar business!
