Fear-based functioning is a reality for many first-generation children. Growing up with parents who had to operate in survival mode—whether due to immigration, financial insecurity, or cultural displacement—often means inheriting patterns of fear-driven decision-making. But how does this impact emotional well-being, and more importantly, how can we break the cycle?
We recently sat down with Victoria Cortez (she/her/ella), licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and founder of First Gen Feeler, to discuss how fear-based functioning manifests in relationships, career choices, and self-perception, and what steps we can take to foster self-trust and emotional exploration.
What Is Fear-Based Functioning?
Fear-based functioning is the habit of making decisions based on avoiding perceived threats rather than embracing potential growth. "It’s when we prioritize safety over opportunity, even when that safety is limiting us," Cortez explains. For first-gen individuals, this often stems from the ways their parents had to navigate life—keeping their heads down, avoiding risks, and operating from a place of scarcity rather than abundance.
Popular culture has reflected this experience in shows like Jane the Virgin, where Jane’s decisions are deeply influenced by her grandmother’s rigid, fear-driven beliefs, or Everything Everywhere All at Once, which showcases the generational tension between survival and self-actualization.
How Fear-Based Functioning Shows Up
Fear-based thinking can manifest in numerous ways, including:
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Relationships: Staying in unhealthy relationships due to fear of the unknown or belief that no one else will love you.
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Career: Avoiding career changes or promotions due to fear of failure or imposter syndrome.
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Emotional Avoidance: Struggling to set boundaries or express needs because of learned patterns of keeping the peace.
Cortez shares, "Fear-based functioning often keeps people in their comfort zones, even when those zones are no longer serving them."
Breaking the Cycle: Steps Toward Emotional Freedom
To shift from fear-based decision-making to self-trust, Cortez suggests the following:
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Identify Fear-Based Thoughts – Recognizing when fear is dictating your choices is the first step in breaking the cycle.
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Build Self-Trust – Small, consistent actions (like journaling or setting small boundaries) reinforce confidence in your ability to navigate uncertainty.
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Validate Your Experience – Many first-gen individuals feel guilt when diverging from their family's expectations. Remember: honoring yourself does not mean dishonoring them.
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Engage in Emotional Exploration – Tools like our Values Deck help clarify what matters most to you, independent of fear and external expectations.
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Find a Support System – Surrounding yourself with people who encourage growth can help reframe limiting beliefs and provide emotional safety.
Embracing a New Way of Being
Healing from fear-based functioning is not about rejecting your roots—it’s about evolving them. "Our parents' ceiling is our floor," Cortez says. "They gave us a foundation, and now we have the chance to build beyond it."
About Victoria Cortez, LMFT (she/her/ella)
Victoria Cortez is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), speaker, and founder of First Gen Feeler, an organization dedicated to empowering individuals to embrace their emotions, set healthy boundaries, and break unhealthy generational patterns. As a first-generation Latina therapist and daughter of immigrants, Victoria is passionate about guiding others on their healing journeys, helping them connect with their inner selves and cultivate a life of emotional well-being so they can thrive and be present in every aspect of their lives.
With a background as a musician and songwriter, she values creativity and often weaves artistic expression into her work, using it as a tool for connection and healing. Through First Gen Feeler, she defines a "First Gen Feeler" as someone who is the first in their family to actively pursue healing, process their emotions, and disrupt unhealthy generational cycles. Her work focuses on creating a safe space for growth, self-reflection, and inner healing, with a deep understanding of the unique challenges faced by first-generation individuals.
Still Curious?
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Learn more about Victoria
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Connect on Instagram @firstgenfeeler
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Watch the full interview on YouTube
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Listen to the full interview on Spotify
