In a world that glamorizes hustle culture and high achievement, perfectionism is often seen as a badge of honor. From the Olympic athletes we admire to the "girl boss" movement that floods our feeds, striving for excellence is praised—but at what cost? Mental health professionals are increasingly recognizing that perfectionism is not just about high standards; for many, it is a survival response rooted in trauma.
Recently, we spoke with licensed professional counselor and somatic experiencing practitioner Morenike Olorunnisomo, LPC, SEP (she/her) about unpacking the link between trauma and perfectionism, and why learning to soften toward ourselves is an essential step in the healing journey.
Perfectionism: More Than Just High Standards
"I work with a lot of people who have experienced complex trauma, and over time, I’ve realized that perfectionism is one of the most common survival strategies that shows up," Morenike explains. "For many, it develops as a way to maintain control in unpredictable or critical environments. If I’m perfect, I won’t be criticized. If I never make mistakes, I won’t be abandoned."
This revelation echoes themes explored in hit TV shows like The Bear, where chef Carmy’s relentless perfectionism is fueled by past wounds, or even in Black Swan, where Nina's obsessive need for flawlessness masks deeper emotional distress.
But what happens when this coping mechanism stops serving us?
The Hidden Costs of Perfectionism
Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting to do well—it comes with a weight of self-judgment, black-and-white thinking, and an unrelenting inner critic. "Perfectionism often disguises itself as motivation, but underneath, there’s usually fear," Morenike notes. "Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of not being enough."
Our culture doesn’t make it easy to let go. From #ThatGirl TikToks showcasing hyper-productive morning routines to work environments that glorify burnout, the message is clear: Keep pushing. Keep grinding. Keep perfecting. But what if true success isn’t about doing more, but about allowing ourselves to do less?
Why Softening Is Essential for Healing
So, how do we begin to unwind the grip of perfectionism? According to Morenike, it starts with self-compassion. "The inner critic that fuels perfectionism isn’t an enemy—it’s a protector," she says. "Instead of fighting it, we have to learn to engage with it differently."
Practices like somatic therapy, mindfulness, and emotional exploration tools (like our own Feelings Wheels) can help people recognize where perfectionism lives in their body and begin to release it. "Perfectionism isn’t something we need to get rid of entirely," Morenike adds. "It will always have a seat at the table, but it doesn’t have to be the one driving the car."
Embracing the Gray Areas
One of the most powerful takeaways from our conversation was this: "You can’t perfectionism your way out of perfectionism." Healing is not about finding the perfect way to heal—it’s about learning to sit in the discomfort of imperfection, to allow space for mistakes, and to be gentle with ourselves in the process.
If this resonates with you, consider taking small steps toward softening. Maybe it’s allowing yourself to rest without guilt. Maybe it’s practicing saying "good enough" instead of "perfect." Or maybe it’s just acknowledging that healing isn’t a straight line—it’s a journey.
About Morenike Olorunnisomo, LPC, SEP (she/her)
Morenike Olorunnisomo is the Clinical Director for Empowered Healing Dallas, a group therapy practice aimed at supporting and affirming clients in their various identities as they heal and learn to become more of themselves. Morenike is a skilled somatic therapist and coach as well as an empowering and inclusive yoga teacher specializing in complex trauma and dissociation.
As a therapist, coach, and human, Morenike believes that all of you should be welcome in your healing spaces, and she shares Empowered Healing Dallas’s commitment to providing safe and equitable support to those in her community. In her downtime you can find Morenike on her yoga mat, engaging in a personal somatic practice, or spending time with her sassy cat, Phoebe Buffay.
Still Curious?
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Learn more about Morenike
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Connect on Instagram @body.mind.soul.healing
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Watch the full interview on YouTube
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Listen to the full interview on Spotify
